


Stiles McDreamy and His New Love

by LoveCas98



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Humor, Parody, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 22:36:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3305888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveCas98/pseuds/LoveCas98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a new girl at Beacon Hills High School! And she has her eyes set on the cutest boy in school - Stiles "McDreamy" Stilinski! But will he reciprocate her feelings? And what about those other girls who aren't even that pretty? Mary Sue parody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stiles McDreamy and His New Love

**Stiles McDreamy and His New Love  
**

            Sue McFly was the new kid in town. She had just moved to Beacon Hills from its sister city, Beacon Hill Valley. She pulled up to her new high school in her brand new DeLorean and got out. As she walked to her new school all nervous and whatnot, three cars hit her DeLorean because she had just parked it in the middle of the road. During the accident, people just continued to walk into the wreckage in slow motion instead of paying attention and just walking the other way. But Sue was too busy being nervous about her first day at a brand new school.

            Sue was a typical teen girl. She had long brown hair that was so long it touched her butt and would sometimes get stuck in there when she took a shower.   It felt weird, but nice, when she pulled it out. But one day it got stuck in an escalator so she had to cut it off. So now she had short blonde hair because when she cut it, it changed color. That was probably because she was a teen wolf. But no one could ever find out because if they did they probably wouldn’t like her. I mean who would ever love a teen wolf? Also, she was wearing a pink shirt because it was her favorite color because she was a girl and that was in the handbook. But she was more interested in the handbook they gave her in health class that talked about her changing body. But she was more interested in the handbook they gave her in health class that talked about the boys’ bodies. Sue was really boy crazy. She liked them a lot and thought they were really cute. She was very curious about sex and stuff. All the girls at Beacon Hill Valley High, her old high school, always made fun of her because they were all dirty whores and she was saving herself for the right person. Would she find him here?

            Suddenly, out of nowhere, the most cutest boy came out of nowhere. His name was Stiles Stilinski, or as Sue called him, Stiles McDreamy. This was the first time she had ever laid eyes on him and it was love at first site. Sue Stilinski – she liked the sound of that. She was ready to drop her pants for him right there. But no, that would be inappropriate because she missed laundry day and she was wearing dirty underwear. If she pulled her pants down here, everyone would start calling her “Sue Skidmark,” and she couldn’t let that happen. Not again. She couldn’t bring herself to burn down another school.

            Suddenly, Stiles McSteamy looked right at her. Their eyes locked for what felt like an eternity. _Is this what love feels like,_ they both thought at the same time. Lydia, who wasn’t even that pretty, came up to Stiles to say “Hi,” but Stiles put his hand in her face and pushed her away. Even his boyhood crush couldn’t match these feelings he had for the girl he had never even met yet. Then Malia, who wasn’t even that pretty but was pretty much a slut, came up to Stiles to say “Hi,” but Stiles spit in her mouth and severed that storyline forever or at least until season four. Stiles walked right over to Sue and got as close as he could pressing his face right against hers. It was so romantic.

            “Hi,” Stiles said, sexily.

            “Hi,” replied Sue, also sexily. They were flirting. It was the age-old dance of ages passed down from age to age. They started walking in a circle, all the while unable to take their eyes off the other one. Katy Perry’s “California Girls” was playing in the background. They stared deep into each other’s souls, almost like they could see each other’s eyes. Lydia got really jealous as she watched them and screamed, but Stiles and Sue were so in tune that they didn’t even hear or even see some of the other students’ heads exploding. Lydia was so upset that she ran away and had sex with a random guy and then got herpes. She would have preferred to have sex with one of the Twins, but they left Beacon Hills after Allison died. Oh, by the way, this story contains spoilers. I probably should have mentioned that early. I could go up and edit the beginning of the story, but I’m not sure if that’s even possible. If you know if it’s possible or not, please let me know by emailing me at my email address www.aol.com. But I’m not sure how to check my email so I might not get it. Also, what’s email?

            Stiles drove Sue to Make-Out Point, where all the cool kids hung out. Somewhere in the distance Sue heard someone scream, “No! Stop!” so Sue rolled up her window so she and Stiles could be alone. They looked deep into each other’s eyes as they began to kiss with their tongues all the while staring straight into each other’s eyes. It was the most romantic thing in the world. Stiles reached his hand up to second base and Sue let him because he was really cute. Then Sue reached her hands up and got to second base on Stiles. But Stiles pulled her hand away and said he wasn’t ready for that yet. They were making out pretty hot and heavy. Stiles undid her bra with his mind. Was Stiles ready to go all the way? Sue looked down at Stiles’ pants. Either he wasn’t ready yet or he was really small. Stiles stuck his tongue up Sue’s nose. Then he started running his hands through her brown hair that went all the way past her butt. He touched her butt. This is so hot. Sue was getting really nervous because this was all happening so fast. She stuck her hands under her armpits and then smelled them. Stiles must have liked that because he started licking her armpits. He stuck his finger in her ear and her whole body tingled. Then Stiles started kissing her on the neck. He rubbed her butt in a circular motion. Then his cell phone fell out of his pocket so he bent over to pick it up. Then they started kissing again. It was even hotter than before. Stiles took his pants off because he had accidentally put on two pairs of pants this morning and was really uncomfortable. The second pair of pants was really sexy. Sue started getting breast boners because she was so turned on. Stiles started trying to take off her bra but gave up after five minutes because it was too hard. That’s what she said! Stiles put his mouth on her tummy and gave her a raspberry!

            Then suddenly and without warning, Stiles’ boner bumped the parking brake and the car started rolling down the cliff! The two lovers were thrown all around in the car as the car tumbled down throwing them all around. While they were falling, Sue bumped her head on the windshield, but Stiles was okay because he was still wearing his seat belt. Once the car exploded, Stiles crawled over to Sue. He was crying because Sue’s head was bleeding. Suddenly and without warning, Sue’s cut started to heal! She opened her eyes and Stiles immediately stopped crying.

            “Wait…” Stiles began. “Does this mean…”

            “Yes,” said Sue, finishing his sentences now. “I’m a Teen Wolf. Do you still love me?”

            “Of course,” Stiles replied. “I’ll always love you. I’ve dreamed about you my whole life. I just didn’t know it was you because you had Lydia’s face in my dreams. But she’s not even that pretty.” Then Stiles and Sue kissed passionately. They made love on that very ground and Stiles gave Sue herpes because Malia had given it to him. But, because Sue was a teen wolf, she was immune to herpes and this cured Stiles’ herpes, too. That meant it was true love. Also, Stiles was 22. He was just held back a lot of years and that was why he was still in high school. That way, none of this is creepy. Sue was actually 101, but she measured her age in dog years since she was a teen wolf. Then they made out some more.

            “Stiles!” came a voice. “Stiles! Wake up!”

            Stiles slowly opened his eyes and looked around. All his friends were standing over him. Lydia and Malia weren’t even that pretty. “What’s going on?” Stiles asked. “Was that all a dream?”

            “No,” said Scott, or as Stiles called him, Scott McSteamy. “You’ve been in a coma for 4 years. You were in a terrible accident at Make-Out Point. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until this very moment that someone thought to just say ‘Stiles, wake up.’ I really wish we had thought of that sooner.”

            “I’m right here,” replied Sue. “I’ve been here the whole time and I’ll never leave you.” Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses rated the most passionate, the most pure… This one left them all behind. “Don’t worry,” replied Sue. I know how we can make up all that time you missed. Stiles and Sue ran to her DeLorean. “Oh, no!” exclaimed Sue. “I’m out of plutonium to make my time machine work. Kira! Come over here!”

            Kira, who wasn’t even that pretty, came over. She gave the DeLorean time machine a quick jolt and Stiles and Sue were time traveled back to 2014.

            “Oh, no!” exclaimed Sue. I typed the time coordinates wrong. We’re actually in 1914!”

            Stiles looked around at all the medieval knights. “Oh, boy,” he said erotically. “Here we go again!”

            To be continued!

            Sue typed in the correct date and they time traveled again back to 2014. “Wow, what a relief. That sure was a close one,” she said.

            Stiles looked at Sue. Sue looked at Stiles. Theirs was a love that transcended even time itself. When they were together it was like time stood still. Their souls were so connected that they could feel each other’s love. They were destined to be together and in love for all eternity. Sue secretly bit Stiles and turned him into a werewolf so they could live forever. Stiles vowed never to tell anyone so whatever happens next fall, it will be like none of this ever happened. Also, Sue and Stiles vowed to keep their relationship a secret so even if Stiles pretended to like someone else next season, Sue knew she would always be his soul mate. They sealed the deal with the greatest high five the world had ever seen.


End file.
